Last week, I attended a three hour appointment. After I got home, it felt as if missiles were firing off in my head on top of my brain doing its best to dissociate. I didn't know what was happening until it was explained to me yesterday when I was interviewing a future guest for Heart of Hope. Donna Flockhart has Complex Post Traumatic Stress. We had a pre-interview chat on the phone. She asked how I was doing and I mentioned the missile part. She said that is the Post Traumatic Stress and she used to get it before her current therapy.
Also, during our interview, Donna mentioned some other warning signs like her body hurting. Well, my head felt as if a vice was on the inside trying to get out.
Last night, I figured that maybe I should get back to practicing meditation. My therapist had only asked me a few weeks ago if I was meditating because of some outburst in my behavior. It would have been nice if sI would have been told that this was Post Traumatic Stress acting up. I can't blame her yet I'm still unclear as to some or all of the warning signs. I read up on PTSD and if I'm currently not having an episode, the information isn't utilized and goes by the way side. I am a person who needs to have the information in front of them and be able to utilize it on an ongoing basis for it to stick in my brain. Research has shown that if a person doesn't use the new knowledge they have learned immediately, the information gets shoved out by the brain.
Last night, I thought I would listen to relaxing meditation music before going to sleep. That didn't work. All that happened was that my body was vibrating so much, I thought I was going to have convulsions. It took me two hours to finally relax enough to go to sleep and I did have to stop listening to the music because I was getting irritated. I whipped out my phone calendar and put on there when to meditate and for how long.
This morning, I started with my meditation and was able to listen to relaxing music this afternoon. So far, I am feeling better. I posted in a business group about my stint with PTSD and three women were very encouraging and supportive as they too, have had personal experiences with PTSD.
Just because I feel on top of the world, while meditating, I can't stop practicing it because then I crash. I have to keep remembering this. It's like someone takes an antibiotic because they are sick and stops taking the medication before the prescription is finished. They relapse in getting sick and worse because of that. I have to remember that meditation is my medication and MUST be taken daily if not several times a day.
Do you have PTSD?
If you do, what do you do to feel better?